Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
