I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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