I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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