you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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