I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
