called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
