I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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