By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
