people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
