having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
