why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
