i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
