Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
