so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
