Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
