So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
