oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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