This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
