im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
