did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
