Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
