i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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