mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
