The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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