omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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