So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
