He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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