I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
