I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
