new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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