Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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