After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
