I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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