I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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