I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
