so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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