you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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