Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
