So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
