Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
