Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Is it penis luge time yet?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
