I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
