I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
