I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
