1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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