your parents love me but you hate me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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