The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am available for nakedness
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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