Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I intend to get homeless drunk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
