gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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