if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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