That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
