I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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