Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
