so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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