hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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