It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
