either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
