so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
