if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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