i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
