This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
