You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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