When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
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So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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