..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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