Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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