community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
