my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
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the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He better not be in your backpack
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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