We need to rekindle our bromance
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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