Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
