I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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