i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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