I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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