Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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