none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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