Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
