I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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