I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
